


Letters from a dragoon

by sandorizu



Category: Final Fantasy XIV
Genre: M/M, Pining, so much pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-08
Updated: 2018-05-08
Packaged: 2019-04-20 06:58:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 8,548
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14255463
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sandorizu/pseuds/sandorizu
Summary: Alphinaud receives an unexpected letter.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> A short birthday present for a good friend that exploded.

It had been another long day for Alphinaud, as the Scions were still helping Lyse sort out the situation in Ala Mhigo. Liberations didn't simply end with a battle won, after all. But there was hope again, and he knew they'd soon leave the city-state in capable hands. But until then there was no shortage of things to do under the hot sun of Gyr Abania.

So it wasn't until he was all settled in and ready for bed that he noticed the letter on the windowsill.

The envelope was entirely blank, making it clear it had been delivered there personally. Raising an eyebrow, he looked it over again as he sat down on his bed. He opened it carefully and unfolded the white paper inside.

And then his eyes widened as they skimmed over the letter and then stuck to the signature below it.

 

_Congratulations on another victory, my boy._

_–Estinien_

 

His heart was suddenly beating noticably faster, and he felt a moment of gratefulness for the fact that he had been given his own room in the inn. To think that Estinien had gotten in touch, with him, after all this time.

They hadn't heard anything from the foul-mouthed dragoon since he'd so mysteriously disappeared from his bed in Ishgard, when the Dragonsong War had finally ended.

They'd all worried, of course. Though Aymeric had assured them it was nothing unusual for him to seek some distance. That they only needed to trust him. Alphinaud had been... _disappointed_ , of course.

He'd been so relieved that Estinien had survived. Refused to leave his side. Thinking about it now, maybe it was a bit embarrassing how he'd clung to the dragoon's bedside, but he'd only realised how much he'd ended up caring about him once they'd been about to lose him. And all he'd known was that him waking up, alive, safe, had made Alphinaud feel happier than he'd ever been since before the Calamity.

But a young and stubborn (though he would never admit it out loud) boy by his side was obviously never a reason to stay, when there was something calling him away. And so they'd found his bed empty.

So then why had he sent a letter to Alphinaud now? Had everyone received one, maybe? His eyes stuck on the words _my boy_ for a moment, before taking another look at the blank envelope.

Instantly he flew off the bed and to the window, forcing it open and sticking his head out. Estinien had been there, right there in this room, he must have been. He looked in every direction, at the roofs and balconies of the buildings he could see, but of course the man was nowhere to be seen. That would have been too easy, hadn't it.

One last look, and Alphinaud pulled his head back inside with a sigh. Unless maybe the Warrior of Light had received a letter with more hints, there was nothing else to do than to wait and hope for more letters. He'd have to ask them in the morning. It would be odd if it was just him...

Having closed the window he settled into bed finally, the letter placed carefully next to him. Though, still reading the one line over and over, he knew that sleep wouldn't come easy that night.

There was simply too much fluttering in his chest.

_"my boy"_

What if it was just for him?


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This accidentally continued. I'm not sure how long it will eventually be, but, with what I have in mind I'm quite certain the following part after this will take a bit longer to produce. But for now, have this!

The Warrior of Light had never received any letter. As far as Alphinaud was aware there was only one letter, and it had been given to _him_.

It had only been a couple of days since he'd received the letter, but if anything, it was affecting him more now than then. He was fully aware it must seem odd to any onlooker, but he couldn't help looking around at every opportunity, hoping that maybe he'd catch a glimpse of spiky armor behind some corner.

But he was always disappointed.

He felt his sister's questioning stare at his quiet sigh, and sent a shrug her way. He knew exactly how unreasonable he was being. There was nothing implying that the dragoon was still around these parts of Eorzea.

He'd considered asking Ser Aymeric as well, but after Alphinaud found out The Warrior of Light hadn't received anything the letter felt more like a private matter. He wanted to keep it just between him and Estinien.

That thought brought back the fluttering again, and frankly, it was a little disturbing how pleasant it was.

Alphinaud considered himself a serious person. He did know he got fired up too easily at times and let that get the best of him, but he wasn't one to let his mind wander. Much less revolve entirely about a single person. The part of his brain that had made an attempt to stay sensible found the potential explanation of him maybe experiencing something of an _idol crush_ , but then, he didn't exactly wish to be like the rude dragoon. He just wanted to see him.

Once retired to his room he found himself grasping for a piece of paper and pencils. Recently his old hobby had been quite useful to them, but this time the drawing was entirely for his own gratification. Even though the time he had actually seen the dragoon without his helmet had been very limited (he'd rarely even taken it off during their long nights in the Dravanian wilderness) Alphinaud found his hand moving with ease. The man's long, flowing hair and oddly both sharp and soft feautures were unmistakable without much effort. Even the dark circles under his eyes were clear in his memory and he found himself wondering whether they were always there. Would they still be, now that Nidhogg was gone and Estinien didn't have to carry the burden of the eye any longer?

Carefully he erased some of the darkness there in his drawing, and found himself smiling at it.

Straightening up he put the pen down and sighed at his own behaviour, again thankful his team, and especially sister, couldn't see him. It was getting quite ridiculous.

***

Another one. Right there on his desk. Where his drawing... used to be.

COnfused, but with his heart again speeding up, Alphinaud grabbed the blank envelope and opened it with a sense of urgency. Had Estinien been there again? Twice within... four days now. He almost struggled to unfold the small piece of paper, but recognised the handwriting instantly when he did. So much had he stared at the previous one.

 

_With that pathetic level of perception you'll never find me._

 

Alphinaud chuckled. One sentence, not even signed this time. But the rude tone was unmistakable. The fluttering was back and his smile widened as he considered the obvious challenge. Or, _invitation_ even.

His eyes fell back to his desk, again noting the lack of his drawing. Had Estinien taken it when he delivered the letter? The door had been locked as usual, and no one else would have any reason to climb in through the window. Much less steal a picture of the dragoon.

Suddenly embarrassed, he put away his pencils and had a quick look out the window. Had he liked it? Or did he find it funny? What had he thought, finding a drawing of himself there? The letter was easy to judge... This action was much more of an enigma.

He realised that unless he could find the man he might never know. Though, as seeing him again had been on the top of his mind for the last few days he didn't lack determination. With another smile he put the second letter on top of the first, right next to his pillow.

If anything, he now knew that the dragoon was indeed seeking him out. Him, no one else. His chest felt oddly warm.

 

And just a few buildings away, Estinien cast one more look towards the lit up window before hiding the drawing inside his armor and heading back out of town.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I keep lying to myself, I canät stop this flow anymore.

He'd almost felt a little bad leaving Ishgard behind without a word again. Not for the Ishgardians, not even Aymeric, but for the young man - boy even - who apparently was the reason Estinien was alive. He'd repay that debt one day, he'd reasoned, and left.

He was never able to figure out why the boy had even cared so much. Having lived his side of the story and heard the rest of it - objectively there was no reason to risk so much for him. He'd figured it was some sort of extension of mourning both the house Fortemps knight and their mutual acquaintance - friend, even - Ysayle that manifested itself as desperate clinging to him. The boy would get over it.

He'd felt it the moment the eyes were used, known that he'd have to be part of this battle as well. He may have relinquished his position as the Azure Dragoon, but his revenge was not over until Nidhogg's power was gone for good. So he followed the Ala Mhigan resistance from a distance, watched his previous partners (including the boy) fight for yet another state's freedom and took his chance to help them from a distance, hoping they would lead him to the eyes. And they did.

Once the Royal Menagerie was empty of life he'd finished it, destroying the eyes of the dragon menace once and for all.

They were even now - he'd probably saved the boy's life destroying that cannon - and yet he found it hard to let go. He found himself lingering in Gyr Abania without any proper reason.

Ala Mhigo wasn't his stage, but he could send a letter. A small acknowledgement of the boy's deeds. A final bow on the package, and he'd be able to finally get out of this Godforsaken hot and sandy hell. Being encased in metal was not suitable for all weathers. He delivered the letter personally, lingering on the roof for long enough to see the boy look for the sender through his window below him. He smirked softly at the rushed movements of the boy's head, his white hair a beacon in the night, before backing away.

All done now.

Which is what he continued to tell himself as he sat on another Ala Mhigan roof the following afternoon. He’d left, done some tasks, and found himself wanting to return. As he had not found any suitable excuse not to do as he liked, here he was. Watching the boy go about his tasks from afar.

It quickly became amusing. Alphinaud was looking around in every direction at any chance he got. It was more than easy to avoid his glances, but the blatancy of his manners drew him closer. He wanted to see the boy’s face.

The clear longing and hopefulness written all over that young face however did take him aback. Again, he wondered what had made the boy care so much. Estinien was well aware he wasn’t exactly a golden example of friendliness and plenty of time had already passed since he was nearly lost. Maybe he had been wrong.

He stayed a bit further away after the second letter. Both amused and slightly troubled by the boy's desperate search, but too curious to stay away. He'd spent a good hour just staring at the drawing in the light of a fire the night before, an odd feeling in his chest. It was a beautiful drawing, he was impressed and flattered. Thinking about it made him smile a little.

Sensing the attack coming, he blocked it with his arm, stopping the glowing rapier in place.

"What do you want," he asked, turning to look at his attacker, impressed by how easily the boy's twin had found him and sneaked up on him. Though she did have the advantage of him being rather distracted.

"I could ask you the same," she said, withdrawing he rapier and giving him a curious, but stern stare. "Why are you following my brother?"

He glanced over to where Alphinaud was walking, several blocks away. "I don't know what you mean."

She glared. He sneaked another glance at the boy, as to not lose sight of him. Turning back to Alisaie the glare was gone, and instead realisation was clear on her face. She smirked.

"For all of our sakes you might want to let him see you soon. He's getting nothing done."

The look she gave him was stern, and then she was gone as instantly as she'd shown up. She was powerful, he couldn't deny that. And damn clever. Estinien sighed.

 _Let him see you,_ she'd said.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I decided the name didn't fit anymore, so I changed it. This is also clearly going in an above G direction, so I went ahead and made that change as well.
> 
> My new favourite hobby is teasing Alphinaud.

_To the north, higher. A fire._

His heart suddenly beating so fast, Alphinaud rushed back out of his room, letter in hand. It was fairly late now, and he didn't know how long ago the letter had been delivered. Would Estinien still be there? He didn't know, but he _had_ to check.

He'd tried a couple of nightly searches before, but not wanting to give away his embarrassing behaviour to his comrades he had been unable to spend as much time on the challenge as his heart had wished. Had he taken too long? Had ... Estinien gotten impatient?

There was a lot about that question that didn't make any logical sense to him, but that didn't stop it from making his chest fill up with nervous fluttering. WOuld he get to see his friend again?

He rushed towards the north from the city, cursing the complicated and rocky terrain. It didn#t take long to spot a flickering light on a small plateau a fairly short distance away, but knowing the area, actually reaching it would be more of a challenge. He rushed along the cliff paths as fast as he could, ignoring any stray creatures trying to follow him, knowing they would get bored and leave him alone soon enough.

Finally reaching the path leading to the odd, round plateau he stopped for a second. The light of the fire was bright over the edge of the cliff, but he couldnt't see if anyone was there from where he was standing. Taking a deep, hopefully calming, breath he walked up the winding path to the plateau. And there he was, sitting on a rock not far from the fire. His long hair looked almost glowing in the light, sticking out against his dark armor.

Alphinaud steeled himself, closing his eyes for a moment to take another calming breath. This was ridiculous, it was just Estinien. The same rude, onnoxious, familiar Estinien he had spent so much time with already. Granted, Alphinaud did admit to himself his affections had grown stronger, but nothing was different for the dragoon. There was no reason to be so nervous.

As he opened his eyes Estinien was looking straight at him, a soft smirk tugging at his lips.

"Took you some time."

Alphinaud smiled back innocently, disregarding his again quickening heartbeat.

"Only as long as it would take to reach a location deliberately chosen for being hard to reach."

"I don't know what you're implying," Estinien replied, as he gestured for Alphinaud to come closer.

He did, feeling like every step made him all the more aware of Estinien's presence there, so close to him.

"It's good to see you again," he said, attempting casual politeness, but all it did was make Estinien laugh.

Which definitely was not a negative effect. Alphinaud's eyes were stuck to the man's face long after the short laugh had ended. He was... _Beautiful_.

Estinien simply raised a questioning eyebrow at the stare, and gestured for Alphinaud to sit down next to him. Feeling rather silly, he complied. The fire was as good an object as any to stare at instead of the dragoon. They sat in silence for a little while, and it felt oddly calm considering how fast Alphinaud's heart was beating.

"It _is_ though," he attempted eventually, wanting to make sure the dragoon knew.

"Was my hair able to turn any whiter, it would've before you found me," Estinien said with another small smile. "Had your sister not gotten involved."

Alphinaud's eyes widened. "Alisaie did-- what?"

"For all of our sakes, just let him meet you already," he quoted in a straight voice, and Alphinaud could feel the heat spreading on his face. Alisaie had found him and talked to him? Which meant-- He hid his face in his hands for a moment, thoroughly embarrassed by how much more transparent he was than he'd thought.

"She had no issues finding me," Estinien pointed out, and Alphinaud could hear the smirk in his voice. It was so embarrassing.

"She has more experience spying on people," he saved, uncovering his face. "I prefer more straight forward confrontations and negotiations."

Estinien hummed and this time Alphinaud turned to look at the man, cheeks still warm.  
"So shall we discuss _your_ recent crimes, art thief?"

And again he got to experience that beautiful laugh.

"I didn't know you could draw."

"I-- It's just an old hobby, really."

"Do you draw me often?"

Alphinaud's eyes shot back to the man, yet another blush spreading over his face. He expected to find another smirk, a retort ready on his tongue, but instead Estinien was watching him with a soft smile. It was like his brain just shut down for a moment, and again he could just stare. Which was happening far too much.

"Just once," he finally managed. After a nod from Estinien he explained that he'd drawn a lot when younger, and that it had come in handy recently, making him recall the joys of it.

That easily carried over into recounting their recent endeavors. Alphinaud had a lot to tell, and though Estinien did not spare many words of his own he showed genuine interest in Alphinaud's stories. He may have been on the sidelines for some (well, most) of the events, there was still so much to tell about the Far East. The vibrance of Kugane, the beauty of the ruby Sea and Yan Xia, how impressive Doma Castle had been...

After a while he leaned in towwards Estinien, resting his shoulder against the cold metal of the armour-clad arm and said quietly,

"Maybe we can go there sometime."


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Content warning: Feelings

Sleep, Alphinaud had determined, was entirely overrated. The fire had been long since dead and the sun nearly rising when he finally headed back into the Ala Mhigan quarters with a goofy smile on his face.

In the end he only managed a few hours of sleep before his duties called on him again. This time it seemed that was a treasure hunt. But not even getting drenched _and_ covered in dust in the drowned city they scavenged was enough to sour his mood. And as it was, they did end up finding the Mad King's treasure.

Even though busy, he'd felt a constant prickling restlessness, like he wanted the adventure to be over as soon as possible. Estinien had said he would come back to the Lochs for another night, and time couldn't move fast enough for Alphinaud.

He'd asked why the man didn't simply get a room in the inn, to which he'd answered that he preferred the wild for now. It was clearly not the whole truth, but Alphinaud didn't push it. He would just enjoy having him nearby.

Though, he still didn't grasp why the dragoon would make such an effort to be near Alphinaud of all people. Assuming it was people and duties he was avoiding, he could've stayed anywhere, far from Ala Mhigo and Ishgard and live a comfortable life. Instead he was camping on a rock pillar in the Lochs.

Once he'd finally bathed all the dust and dirt off he was ready for the final stop before freedom for the night - ust a small dinner celebrating finding the treasure. They deserved it, Lyse had said.

The only thing that differed from a normal dinner however, was his sister's knowing stares throughout it. He glared at her quite a few times, but she only smirked back. It seemed hiding his restlessness was failing completely. And he hadn't even had the chance to tell her off for meddling in the first place yet. Maybe because he was actually a little grateful. A little.

He ignored yet another knowing smirk from Alisaie as he got up the moment the meal was finished and excused himself. Behind him, he heard Lyse wonder where he was in such a rush to, and was relevied he couldn't hear the answer, being too far away by then.

He considered taking a chocobo this time, but decided against it in the end. Walking would be more calming.

He arrived to an empty rock pillar. Mostly. Estinien was nowhere to be seen, but there was a bag hidden between a few rocks and the campfire remains from the previous night were still there. He smiled to himself and started working on getting it lit up again. It had been burning for a little while already, when the dragoon suddenly showed up next to him, as if appearing out of nowhere.

"Welcome back," Alphinaud said with a smile, sitting down in the same spot as the night before, hoping Estinien would reclaim his spot next to him.

"So you do know how to start campfires," Estinien quipped, an oddly warm tone to his voice.

"I don't know what you're implying," he threw back. "I have accumulated quite a variety of skills through my ventures."

"Is that so," Estinien said with a smirk, and Alphinaud felt his face heat up. It was within minutes of the dragoons arrival, and yet he was already blushing. He was an embarrassment.

"Well, I admit I might still have a lot to learn, but..." His voice trailed off, not entirely sure what the conversation was even about any longer. Not knowing how to finish, he instead nodded to the space on the rock next to him, hoping Estinien would finally join him.

"Patience boy," he answered with a soft laugh. "For once I'm making an effort to _not_ stab someone with my armor."

Alphinaud raised an eyebrow in confusion, but the meaning cleared as Estinien started unbuckling his armor, piece by piece. Then his mouth fell open a little, as he quietly stared.

Alphinaud had never really thought about how many pieces there were to a suit of armor, and how much work it was to wear one. He'd never needed any of that, studying the arcane arts. But he couldn't pull his eyes away, as the armor pieces came off and were carefully placed near the bag he'd seen before. Little by little, the tall elezen man underneath all the metal was revealed.

It was nothing new to Alphinaud, nor was there anything special about the black tunic he was wearing underneath, but even so, Alphinaud's heart was racing. A whole farm of butterflies were fluttering around inside him, and he felt it all the way to his fingertips.

When Estinien had removed his chest piece, he flipped his hair back over his shoulders and Alphinaud's breath caught in his throat.

He was still gaping, his face probably as red as a dzemael tomato, when Estinien turned back to him and walked over.

Seeing Alphinaud's face he made a small noise of amusement, reached out and touched his chin, gently pushing it up to close his mouth.

"Better," he said, and sat down next to the boy without any further comment. Alphinaud's mind was reeling, the touch of Estinien's hand on his chin having his skin tingling mixing with the massive embarrassment of being caught so obviously... _shamelessly_ staring.

"Sorry," he muttered, terrified by his own lack of control. When... When had he fallen this hard for the dragoon? Because what else was this, than... _romantic feelings_. He cursed the mental image of Alisaie smirking at him again.

He felt Estinien's eyes on him and took a moment before he looked up. The much taller man's face was still showing nothing but amusement, and somehow, that was a relief. When Alphinaud caught his eyes he spoke.

"So, where did your duties take you today?"

That was safe, that was comfortable. That was an easy story to tell, even as his feelings were storming around inside him.

One he managed to continue even as Estinien's warm hand settled around his shoulders and pulled him towards him, to let Alphinaud's head rest against his shoulder, just like he had the night before.

But this time, there was no metal covering the warm shoulder. Even as Estinien let go of his shoulder, resting his hand somewhere behind Alphinaud, Alphinaud felt the warmth and tingle of it all through his body.

He took a deep breath, and wished this nightly talk would never end.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Have some fluff and stay strong, frendo <3


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Estinien's thoughts.

After only two days away from the Lochs, Estinien was already feeling rather pathetic. It had become impossible to lie to himself any longer, the young Elezen boy a constant presence in his thoughts.

Love had never really been a relevant subject to him. Well, he'd loved his family and he'd loved Ser Alberic. But any experience in romantic love had been very sparse -well, non-existent. None of the encounters he'd had had ever come with feelings attached, it had always been purely for pleasure. He didn't do feelings for other people.

Until now, it seemed.

Of course, it didn't help that he was probably at least 15 years the boy's senior. Despite his physical appearance, Alphinaud was well considered an independent adult. It was more his own age that worried him. So much further in life, yet no more, if not even less, to give. Was there any future in loving a man so claimed by vengeance? Though he did not regret any of his choices. But as Alphinaud had showed him friendship, maybe it was only fitting he became the one to show Estinien more as well.

Though, regardless of his maturity, it seemed Alphinaud was fairly clueless himself. His blushing, gaping and blatant staring left nothing unclear. It was all too easy to tease him, to laugh at the amusing faces he was making. But he was flattered, he felt... _warm_. He still didn't know what the boy even saw in him, he had no delusions about either his personality or his looks, but there was no doubt he saw _something_.

He'd figured at first, that his interest was only a curiosity founded in the boy's affections for him, not in the boy himself. But that was exactly what was impossible to keep pretending, when his sparkling blue eyes and cheeky smiles entered his mind all too often. When looking at the boy's drawing of him made his heart clench. When the feeling of Alphinaud's warm body next to his still lingers on his side, two days later.

He scribbled another letter, this time letting the moogles take it to the Lochs, he had work to complete here before he could return.

He wasn't sure what he wanted, other than to spend more time with the boy. Their long conversations all through the nights were comfortable and _nice_. Alphinaud's stories were interesting, and his voice nice to listen to. Even just more of that would most likely be enough.

Though, did Alphinaud wish for there to be more he would not say no.

So when he'd finished up here he would go back to Ala Mhigo and find out wherever this was going. Where Alphinaud wanted to take it. He was in far too deep to back off now- nor did he want to - and he would go exactly as far as Alphinaud wanted him to go.

 

_  
Give me one week._

_Yours,  
Estinien_


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It had been nine days.
> 
> (spoilers for 4.1??)

Alphinaud shrugged off his coat to the floor in the dark room, exhausted from several days of events without break. Seeing the empty windowsill in the light from the outside made him sigh. A week he'd said. It was now nine days, and Alphinaud felt like he was going insane. How could he miss someone so much?

Another sigh and he started pulling off his boots, just wanting to collapse into bed. Then, as the light from the window was blocked by something he looked up. He straightened up as Estinien opened the window and slipped inside.

Alphinaud quickly straightened up. "Estinien," he said. "You're back."

Estinien looked at him and smiled. "Yeah, I am."

Still crouched on the desk he held out his hand, a small envelope in it. As Alphinaud stumbled over his half-worn boots to grab it he continued.

"I'll be outside the city again."

His smile was a little questioning, almost... hopeful? And then he left as fast as he'd shown up.

And Alphinaud was stuck in place, staring at the spot where the dragoon had been for a good while after he'd already left. Once he realised what he was doing he rushed to open the letter he'd been given, needing to know what it said.

_Don't make me wait._

Alphinaud snorted. Now, who had been the one waiting?

He couldn't help the grin on his face though, as he pulled his boots and coat back on and rushed out. He didn't want to wait any longer either.

 

Estinien was working on setting up a fire when Alphinaud got there, already out of his armor and hair hanging down over his shoulders as he worked, hunched over.

This time, feeling brave, Alphinaud stared shamelessly. It was embarrassing, but he had thought about the man so much in his absence. Without a word he sat down in his usual spot, watching the way the flaring up fire created a frame of light around the man's hair, making it glow.

Once the fire seemed stable enough, Estinien got up and turned around to face Alphinaud with a smirk on his face.

"Enjoying the view?"

Alphinaud blushed, all bravery he'd just felt gone in an instant. Estinien seemed to always know exactly what to say to throw him off. After gaping for a moment, he composed himself, cheeks still blazing red.

"...Yes," he mumbled, turning his eyes back to Estinien. Estinien raised an eyebrow, smiled and then dropped down right next to him.

Which was exactly what Alphinaud had wanted, yet his heart was beating at the speed of a racing chocobo.

"Sorry for taking longer than expected," the dragoon said, pulling Alphinaud back to reality.

"It's... It's fine, I had quite a busy week myself," he replied. That was in no way a lie, it had been a wild week in Ala Mhigo. That had not stopped him from missing the man, however.

"In fact, I was almost tempered by a primal summoned right in the throne room just three days ago," he explained in a dramatic voice. "You should be grateful you can even see me tonight."

There was genuine concern on Estinien's face when he turned to look at him, it felt like something squeezed his heart.

"Thankfully we have friends who take care of that," he chuckled nervously, meeting Estinien's eye.

"It seems I have even more to thank them for," the man said, straightening up and placing an arm around Alphinaud, pulling him closer. It was the same position again, just leaning against his shoulder. But where Estinien's hand had previously left a lingering tingle as he let go, it now remained, almost burning hot through Alphinaud's coat.

He breathed in deeply, feeling almost drunk as the warmth and scent of Estinien surrounded him. This was honestly mad, and, _rude_ of him, to be enjoying the man's concern and caring hold in such a wicked way.

Because he knew that's what it was, the way he was feeling Estinien's hand on his shoulder all the way to his toes, the way he just... smelled so good. The way his face seemed to be covered in an eternal blush in the man's presence now. Alphinaud sighed, closing his eyes to just enjoy the moment for a little while.

This was already more than he had hoped for. All he'd expected were more nights just like the ones before. Just casual closeness, talking, feeling comfortable. But maybe, just maybe, Estinien's hand meant there could be even a little more.

He quietly scooted a little closer, his entire side flush to Estinien's. He was still small enough to fit perfectly under the larger man's shoulder, his head now resting on Estinien's chest moreso than his shoulder. He could feel his breathing under his cheek, and he wasn't sure if he was making it up, but it felt a little fast. He was probably making it up.

And then Estinien's hand slid down his arm and to his waist instead, stopping there to rest.

But Alphinaud had nearly gasped.

He bit his lip, taking a few breaths to calm his racing heart. He needed to continue that conversation _now_ , this was all too much and he was being so horribly obvious he couldn't _believe_ himself and the silence suddenly felt so loaded.

Eventually, Estinien cleared his throat, the sound rumbling under Alphinaud's ear.

"Do tell me more about that whole," he paused. "Situation."

Alphinaud smiled, thankful for the cue, and started from the beginning. He explained about the meeting between all the local leaders and Lyse, the Ananta's interferrance and how they had all suddenly stood facing the beautiful primal.

"And she'll seduce you, making you worship her beauty forever, that's what she does, if it wasn't for the Warrior of Light and Arenvald being there--"

"It would have been a shame if she'd been the one to seduce you."

"And you'll never believe it bu---," Alphinaud stopped, losing track of what he was saying entirely as he processed what the dragoon had just said.

That, that meant exactly what he thought it did, didn't it? There was no way that meant anything else. Estinien's arm around him suddenly felt different, more intense. A little scary, even.

Lost for words, he looked up at the dragoon's face. Again, he was smiling.

It really suited him.

"Others may not need as much plotting and infiltration to reach similar results," Alphinaud said, attempting confidence but the shaking of his voice and the redness of his face easily giving him away.

Estinien laughed again, and it sounded so nice. Smiling widely, Alphinaud continued the story where he'd left off.

He'd think more about what all this meant later. For now, this was perfect.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm still debating whether this was too much, but yolo. :D


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is a bit different to previous ones, but I'm confident it's worth it. B)

The feeling of Estinien's hands and lips on him was so strong, so convincing it almost felt real. The heat in his body however, _was_ entirely real, even as he woke up from the dream. Alphinaud gasped as he opened his eyes, realising he was alone, and not... Not being _held_ by Estinien.

Trying to calm down his own breathing, he covered his face with his arm in embarrassment. The proof of exactly what he'd been dreaming was clear on his body, undeniable and hard between his legs. Biting his lips he rolled over and tried to ignore it, scandalised by his own subconscious. Estinien had done nothing other than _placed a hand on his waist_ , and now his mind was having such filthy ideas. It was shameful.

But it had felt so real. And so... _nice_. He squeezed his eyes shut and sighed as the memory made a shiver go up his back. The image of Estinien next to him was stuck in his mind. Giving in to his subconscious, he pulled his blanket up higher, as a protective shield, and slowly let his hand wander down.

 

***

 

The shame was nearly unbearable. There he was, again comfortably leaning on and held by, _well_ , the man of his dreams, it seemed. And that was the problem. No matter how innocent the current situation was, Alphinaud was constantly aware of how _not_ innocent he had been just earlier that day, thinking about no one but Estinien.

He felt tense, embarrassed, _ashamed_. And worst of all, Estinien seemed concerned. Though, the way that made him gently stroke his arm in a comforting way was... Nothing Alphinaud would complain about.

Still, usually so talkative, he found it hard to come up with topics, hard to string together long sentences without ending up staring at Estinien's lips instead of his eyes. And he knew that Estinien was fully aware something had changed. He could feel it in the air between them, and he knew he was the one causing it.

Thinking about it though, he had clearly had those thoughts about the man even before the previous night. But now they'd become more real. Undeniable. He sighed.

"Did your sister steal your dinner, or what is wrong with you today?"

Alphinaud looked up, and the look on Estinien's face was curious and playful, but the concern was still clear behind it. He felt guilty.

Laughing dryly, he turned his head a little, looking out towards the fire. "She wouldn't dare," he answered, though the truth was she had once. A long time ago.

"She seems rather daring to me," Estinien mumbled next to him, and then the hand on his arm left, only to stroke some hair from his face. It was gentle, yet somehow intimate. "You could try being more daring too, sometimes."

"Experience has taught me to be more careful," Alphinaud muttered, but smiled quickly after, realising the possible implications. Estinien had no idea how much he wished he would dare to just _try_. Though Alphinaud knew full well that to anyone seeing them, all huddled up to each other, there was nothing to question. But there was a lot at stake for Alphinaud, and he didn't want to rush decisions anymore. So this was good.

Though, he hoped Estinien would stroke his hair like that again.

 

***

 

"It seems we will be headed back to Kugane tomorrow night," Alphinaud said, when it was nearly time to head back to the Ala Mhigan quarter.

"Oh?," Estinien asked, straightening up next to him.

"I don't know for how long, but..." he trailed off, unsure how to continue. He would be back as soon as possible. Of course he would, he knew exactly how much he'd miss Estinien.

"I recall you wanted to show me the Far East?"

Alphinaud looked at him in surprise.

"You said Kugane is a beautiful city," Estinien smirked. "Show me."

Alphinaud's mind was reeling. How did the man keep surprising him? There was geunuine excitement in his voice, however, when he replied.

"I will."

 

***

 

The trip to Kugane had been... _amusing_ to say the least. Alphinaud had spent the journey with his party members, constantly pretending he wasn't fully aware of a stowaway somewhere on the ship. A few times he had been certain Alisaie knew as well, but she never said anything.

He wasn't sure exactly how Estinien would be able to find him, but he had promised to. So once they had all greeted their friends and acquintances, convinced Tataru they were all in good health and had a pleasant meal, Alphinaud withdrew to the room he had been provided.

Opening the window, he looked outside, taking in the beautiful scenery of the colourful city. The sun was already setting, and lights and lanterns were being turned on everywhere. It was like the town never slept.

It didn't take long until Estinien landed on the balcony next to his window. He wasn't wearing his armor, so Alphinaud knew he had already found somewhere to stay during the time Alphinaud had been socialising.

"Have you ever heard of streets?" Alphinaud asked as a greeting, a smile spreading over his face at the dragoon finding him so soon.

"Roofs are far more convenient," Estinien replied with a chuckle. "So can I expect the promised tour?"

Alphinaud grinned and nodded.

"Meet me by the market," he said, pointing towards Kogane Dori. When Estinien nodded back, he withdrew back into his room and closed the window, ready to head out.

 

***

 

He found Estinien leaning against a wall next to the aethernet shard. He was nervous, those familiar butterflies spreading inside him again. They had arrived after he'd finally realised how romantic a night out together in a faraway city may come off as.

And that thought stayed on the forefront of his mind as they walked the markets, as he pointed out interesting products and things to see. He stayed a few steps behind, blushing wildly, as Estinien decided they needed a box of colourful balls made out of rice on sticks. They ate them, sitting on a ledge nearby, and Alphinaud tried so hard not to stare as Estinien's lips closed around one of the sweet balls. He concentrated on his own share after that, memories of his dream trying hard to intrude in his mind.

As they finished the snack and left the markets behind, Alphinaud had gathered himself again. He told Estinien about his few adventures in the city, showing each and every place he had visited. As they were about to cross over to the north side, towards Hanamachi and the inn, Alphinaud pointed at the tower.

"The Warrior of Light apparently managed to climb all the way up there," he said. "They're as anti-ground as you sometimes. They did say the view was splendid, though."

Estinien looked up to the top of the tower and laughed. "Let's go," he said suddenly, turning back to Alphinaud with a smirk on his face.

"You cannot possibly be serious," Alphinaud threw back, eyes widening. "I am not going to even attempt such a ridic--"

"I'll help you, don't worry."

And suddenly Estinien's hand was on his arm, pulling him towards the stairs up to the bridge beneath the tower. He could've protested more, but there was a little swirl of excitement growing in his stomach, surprised at, but also intrigued by, the spontanity of the man's actions.

And before he knew it he was following Estinien, jumping up the wooden poles along the wall. They were just far enough apart that it was tricky, but doable. Though, he must have looked like a fool compared to the grace and speed with which Estinien jumped ahead in front of him. The smoothness and pure confidence of his jumps was mesmerising. Alphinaud had to just stop and stare for a little while, clinging to the wall next to him. It seemed like he barely had to think where to jump next.

After a few jumps, Estinien stopped in front of him and turned around to look at Alphinaud. He was grinning, and Alphinaud wasn't sure if being embarrassed or grinning back was the right reaction. He found himself smiling, and took a deep breath before braving a couple of more jumps. Estinien kept stopping after a little progress, making sure that Alphinaud could follow him.

Eventually, Estinien jumped up onto a balcony and waited there for him to catch up. That last jump had looked rather long, and there Alphinaud was, staring at the gap between him and the plank closest to the balcony. He decidedly did not look at Estinien before leaping over. His foot hit it, but to his terror he felt it slipping a little, and he started falling forwards. Not even a fraction of a second had passed, the scream building inside him had not even reached his mouth, before he felt Estinien's hand grabbing his, pulling him up straight and towards the edge.

"Got you," he said casually, like Alphinaud had not nearly fallen to his death only seconds before. It was insufferable. He held on to Estinien's hand tightly as he took a few deep breaths to calm down.

"If your goal was to have me killed all along, there would have been easier ways," he said in a dry voice, finally looking up at Estinien above him. The serious and concerned look on the man's face, contrasting with his earlier words, took Alphinaud by surprise though, and an unease at his own joke spread in his chest.

"I have survived worse things, though..." he continued quickly, trying to lighten up the situation as he inched closer to the edge of the balcony, still holding onto Estinien's hand. Using it as leverage, he climbed up to the balcony, letting Estinien pull him up the last bit.

"I'm sorry."

Alphinaud nearly stumbled again, the words taking him by complete surprise. But he was safely on the balcony now, and the only thing he could stumble into was Estinien. Which, wouldn't have been a bad thing, he thought. He decided not to think about whether the apology was for now, or for any other time. That was too big a question. And they were nearly at the top of the tower. Just the two of them.

"No giving up now," he said, with a smile, finally letting go of Estinien's hand. He already hoped he would get more chances to hold it.

Estinien laughed, and then looked at him for a moment, before continuing along the balcony, ahead of him. He followed, concentrating on every step even though his mind only wanted to think about the man in front of him.

There were more like the previous planks, now rising faster, but this time he managed them without any close calls. He saw Estinien reach the top above him and turn around to look at him again. Taking a deep breath again, he concentrated fully on the last few jumps, and then he was there, standing on the last plank right below Estinien. He looked up with a grin, and Estinien smiled back at him.

"Well done," he said, and held out a hand. The part of Alphinaud that simply wanted to hold Estinien's hand again won the battle against the part that stubbornly would've liked to finish the climb himself easily. And again the man's strong hand pulled him up as he stepped onto the roof, having beaten what he had thought was impossible.

"I can't believe we just did that," he said, clenching his hand around Estinien's. "This is madness."

"You'll thank me in a moment," Estinien said with a smirk, and pulled him along up the roof. And then Alphinaud just gaped. The scenery was absolutely beautiful, the colours of Kugane bright and almost shining in the little orange light that remained of the day mixed with the countless lanterns and lights. It was... Worth it.

They sat down, next to each other like always, and simply sat there enjoying the view for a while. It had been Alphinaud who was meant to show Estinien the city, and yet it was Estinien that brought them to the most impressive sight. Quite ironic.

Leaning on Estinien again, the reality of the situation slowly crept up on him again. That it was just them there, so far up above the city, where only the falcons could see them. And that he was still holding on to Estinien's hand, that the man had never tried to let go. This meant there was no arm around him, but... It still felt _more_ intimate. A familiar warmth spread on his cheeks again. This was _nice_.

They spoke about different things than usual, Alphinaud sharing more about his younger days. He even told Estinien about why he had started drawing in the first place, and the man laughed, pointing out that nothing was different now. Alphinaud's face had gained another level of redness again, but he was unable to deny that. "I should draw you again," he mumbled.

"Would you like me to pose for you?," Estinien asked in an obviously teasing voice, and though Alphinaud's mind was running wild from the thought, yet another blush instantly covering his face, he steeled himself and answered a simple "Yes".

He felt Estinien look at him, but the man didn't say anything. Neither did Alphinaud. Shifting a little, he turned a little more towards Estinien, before looking up and meeting his eyes. There was something unexpected and intense in the way he was staring down at him, and Alphinaud felt a shiver go up his spine.

Alphinaud's eyes wandered, down to Estinien's lips, jaw, then his exposed neck, his hair all hanging over one shoulder. Down his chest, so close to where his own head was resting, and then to their hands, still resting on top of each other. He laced their fingers together, looking at the way his still smaller hand fit into Estinien's and smiled. This was all more than unreal, thinking about it, he couldn't believe where they had come.

Suddenly Estinien's words from the other day replayed in his mind and his eyes wandered back up to Estinien's face. He was smiling too, and the choir of butterflies, fluttering and screaming at him in his chest was almost overwhelming.

Without looking away, he swallowed, bit his lip, and just breathed for a few seconds, before asking.

"Is this one of those times? To be more daring?"

Estinien's smile widened, making the the skin by his eyes crinkle a little. Something Alphinaud had never seen, or noticed, before. He wanted to see it again and again.

"Potentially," the man's response came, that teasing tone back in his voice again. The answer in itself, could mean so little and so much, but the tone, and the way his eyes were still watching Alphinaud didn't leave any doubts. The tingling heat in his chest spread all the way to his fingertips and toes, and again he bit his lip, taking just another moment to prepare himself.

And then he straightened his back, pushed all doubts to the back of his mind as he leaned up. Closing his eyes he _finally_ pressed his lips against Estinien's.

His lips were warm, and they opened a little under Alphinaud's, kissing him back. It was so simple, so chaste, but it made that tingling feeling spread all through Alphinaud's body again. Yet after just a moment, Estinien pulled back a little, his breathing still hitting Alphinaud's lips.

"Come here," he said, his hand letting go of Alphinaud's and instead encircling his waist, as his other hand tapped his lap. Still dazed from the short kiss, his eyes still glued to Estinien's eyes, Alphinaud nodded slowly and looked down, suddenly embarrassed.

Shifting carefully, he moved onto the man's lap, so that he was facing him, sitting on his legs. This was _unbelievable_ , so, _insane_ , he thought, his mind almost unable to process that _he had kissed Estinien_. And that there might be---

"Is that it?," Estinien's voice spoke, and Alphinaud's eyes shot up again. That familiar smirk was present, but so were those new crinkles. And his lips, they were so close, right there in front of him. --- _more_.

And so he put his hands on the larger man's shoulders and leaned in again, this time with more confidence. And as he felt Estinien sigh in such a content way underneath his lips he felt like he could melt into him, his arms fully encircling the man's neck and hands tangling in his long, soft hair. And so he felt Estinien's hands settle on his waist, holding him close, as they kissed, and kissed again.

It might have been unbelievable, but it was certainly _wonderful_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I swear there will be an addition to this, don't worry. But this felt like the right place to end this part.


End file.
